Shrove Tuesday.

Feb 28th, 2017 , 6.38pm.

The last day of February dawned with clear blue skies and a nice bright sun.  It also happened to be Shrove or pancake Tuesday. Shrove is derived from the word Shrive meaning 'absolution of sin. It is also called Fat Tuesday because we use up the fatty foods before the season of lent. The actual tradition of mixing up the ingredients for pancakes  is said to be a pagan ritual. Some beg to differ and say that it is a Christian tradition with each ingredient representing the 4 aspects of Christian faith. 

 As the light dims the birds can be heard chirping on  their way home.A peace must gradually descend on the land but the bright city lights will shine late into the night.

A Big Fat Sunday

FEB 26th, 2017.

At 7 am my eyes open to a brand new day - Sunday- the day of the Lord and Fat Sunday  - A day to bring out the bacon and beer - the last Sunday before the beginning of Lent.The significant-other usually exhibits his culniary skills on Sunday.  So we sat down to a lunch of Mangalorean pork curry and sannas and chunks of rich dark chocolate for dessert.  Needless to say, delightful fare. The weather outside is not so delightful.  There is more than a hint of summer in the air.Oranges are yet aplenty. Mangoes are on the way. The watermelon abounds.   The twenty-year-old enjoyed a long leisurely sleep, wrapped up in his dreams, deigning to rise only when we informed him that the maid was swishing her broom through the house. The 18-year-old was desperately searching for a lost text book. He did locate the book eventually but refused to divulge where he had found the lost book.. Welcome to the world of teens!
The evening saw husband and wife partaking of some spiritual nourishment followed by some "spiritual" nourishment and dinner before we retired for the night  readying ourselves to take on yet another Monday and a new week. 

A Loss Not Lamented

A popular newspaper supplement carried an international study report on “A woman’s 20 most common criticisms about herself”. I was hardly surprised to see “I am too fat/overweight topping the list. It was something that is of great concern to me, and I often worried about the  excess flab that I carry around.

At 51 your weight determines the state of your mind and body. Needless to say that I was fat, and have been so for many years.  Motherhood was a turning point in my life. They say a child gives birth to a mother and in my case a ‘fat mother’.

Post my first delivery I was huge; I jumped a couple of dress sizes. I wasn’t too perturbed and hoped to get back in shape by Christmas. (I had delivered in September) Aha! No such Christmas present for me. I was heartbroken. I was never going to get back into my old clothes. Nevertheless I decided to work on the flab. I tried a variety of diets, but was always cautioned by the elders to go easy on the diets. New mums must feed themselves and their precious bundles of joy well.

Two years later, I am a mum the second time around.  Not quite rid of the first post-pregnancy weight gain, I now had to contend with a few more kilos staring me in the face.  The prospect of losing weight seemed as remote to  me as landing on Mars. It was back to diet and exercise and extensive research on how to be rid of post- pregnancy flab. All those new mums in fashion catalogues looking so trim and toned. Here was a mummy, but hardly yummy!

The intervening years have seen me vacillating between despair and delight over my fluctuating weight. The sun shone brightly, the birds sang merrily and all was well with the world on the day the needle pointed to what I wanted to see. On other days I plunged into the depths of despair, worrying and obsessing. I was also committing the cardinal sin of diet and weight loss – eating kiddy leftovers. And what did you say, added up to a waist basket?

The child-bearing years had by now long gone. The sons had grown, but as somebody said, the body and fat had become good friends. I plodded on. Between envying the mums with a – figure – to – die – for, I exercised, tried to eat healthily, gave myself pep talks and tried very hard to ignore sweets.

Then one fine day, I decided to seek professional help – a combination of diet and pills. It worked like magic and although I was warned of the pitfalls of pills, I jumped right in. a whole new me was evolving – curves in the right places, a new pair of jeans, a brand new dress with brand new measurements to wear at Christmas and I was on cloud nine. Oh! Could it get any better? I even attended a school reunion flaunting those curves, looking down with disdain at my more than pleasantly plump classmates and feeling mighty pleased with myself.

It is Christmas and I wanted to reward myself. I had worked hard. What possible harm could some items of very delectable confectionery do? I couldn’t be more wrong!

All my disdain for my overweight classmates flew right out of the window as I scoured the internet, books and magazines for tips and tricks on how to recover those lost measurements. If one tip was telling me to eat something, the other said to ban the item from your life. What misery! Anyway, I did manage to whittle my waistline a little. The weighing scales on rare occasions tilted in my favour, but more often than not loved to tell me the ugly truth.

Then two years ago, an accident left me housebound for a couple of months. Two months later, when I went out, I could hardly step into my favourite pair of jeans. Friends were blunt – “what the hell has happened to you?”All chubby cheeks and triple chins!

It was back to diet and exercise. I read and reread all those success stories more determined after each reading, but of course Rome was not built in a day. I rose each day determined to live healthy, think healthy and eat healthily. Promises are meant to be broken, and made again and the circle of life continues.

Shilpa Shetty’s The Great Indian Diet sits on my bookshelf. I have registered with an online weight loss programme, wherein I communicate with my coach on Whatsapp, and am sent reminders about my water intake etc. I feel better,clothes fit better.  Determination and moderation is the key. Progress is slow. However, slow and steady wins the race and this is one race that I am determined to win.

The Bogeyman

He's a bogeyman

He's loved and adored

By the mathematician and  the nerd.

Not me.

I shiver and quiver

At the mention of his name

He's also caused me

To hang my head in shame. 

Mother tells me to make friends with him

But that is just so terrible a thing

I'm never able to figure him out.

Numbers, equations and problems

Give me a headache

That no Aspirin or Crocin can take away

I wish I could be rid of him

run away to a land

Where he does not exist

Then how happy I'd be

Living life bogeyman free.

I am Fifty and Fabulous

I hit fifty in July last year. I am now a golden girl with streaks of silver in her hair and a few pounds heavier everywhere.

At fifty you enter a whole new phase in life. You discover yourself. You are more cautious about your diet and are advised to have regular medical checkups, exercise is now a way of life and you are  expected to wear ‘age  appropriate’ clothes. Fashion at 50 takes on a whole new meaning and who says you can’t be fifty and fashionable?

Iconic French designer Coco Chanel rightly says, “You can be gorgeous at 20, charming at 40 and irresistible for the rest of your life.”

Oh yes! At fifty what should my style statement be?  How should I dress, what should I wear? A wardrobe full of clothes but nothing to wear is every woman’s nightmare and with age may turn to the queen of all nightmares.

I may be fifty, but I do not have to lose myself in baggy, ill- fitting, dowdy garments. I do not have to give up being fashionable altogether; keeping in mind a few factors I have to  find the right colours and clothes.  I must develop my own unique style, I must be comfortable in what I wear and look elegant.   Since body parts are not quite what they used to be I will not blindly follow trends, but wear clothes that flatter my form and figure.

I remind myself that the time has come to choose softer and good quality fabrics. Tailored and structured garments will be more my cup of tea. Loud is out. Bling is taboo. I may not have gained an inch around anywhere but I just cannot afford to wear clothes that I wore as a twenty-year-old because I am not forever 21.Knee length hemlines, age-appropriate jeans and modest necklines will give me that grace and charm befitting my age.

 ‘If you ask me personally, I like to dress young the way I feel but I don’t go overboard with frills and the girlie stuff”, says a 65 –year-old mother of four. “A bit of dignity befitting my greying temples doesn’t go amiss. I love bright colours and avoid too much brown and grey.”

My teenage sons sport hair longer than mine and berate me every time I get a haircut. How long should I wear my hair? A difficult decision to make at the halfway mark!  I guess all I have to do is place my tresses in the hands of a quality professional stylist… and keep my fingers crossed. Bangs, layers, angles, highlights, and lowlights done correctly will soften features and draw attention away from wrinkles and lines.

I realize that changes are inevitable with age and those strands of grey are just nature taking its course. Grey doesn’t confer senior citizen status on me. I haven’t found cause as yet to reach out for that bottle of colour. (I just might someday.) Presently I can live with my silvery highlights.

If I am to don those layers of greasepaint, I remember to keep it minimal, soft and subtle. I try and follow a skin care regime that suits my skin. Personally, I prefer the homemade lotions, potions and packs. They are a lot more effective than the ready-made stuff.

 Have fun accessorizing. The plethora of accessories in the market leave me spoilt for choice. I have been advised to keep clothing simple and hence try and adhere to a few guidelines in the accessory department:

·    Stay away from the small and unnoticeable. Develop the art of Mix&Match to get that stylish look.

·    Get handbag savvy. Number one on the accessory list, the handbag can make or break your look. Get a few handbags in different shapes, sizes and colours that can be matched to outfits and occasions.

·    Banish the stilettos and platforms. Wear open-toed sandals, go in for a pedicure now and then, paint your toe nails and you are feet pretty.

·    Do not ditch the glasses. They add character to your face. While shopping for the latest frames, buy one that suits your face. Glam up with the glares!

·    You don’t have to adorn yourself with the most expensive jewels to look good. Imitation jewellery works equally well. Necklaces, chains, pendants, bangles, bracelets, beads and earrings are all yours for the taking. Easy on the eye and inexpensive, a piece of imitation jewellery gives life to the plainest of outfits. Contrast colour of jewellery to colour of outfit so as to blend.

·    Scarves, stoles, shawls and belts also figure prominently in the fashion bible. Accentuate your trim waistline with a belt. Throw that scarf and stole over your shoulder to give you that hot and happening look!

·    Keep accessories to a minimum if the  outfit is colourful. Do not over accessorize, or you are going to look like an overgrown teenager.

·    Smile!

A friend sums it all up when she says, “At the back of my head I know I am 50+ and soon my skin,
nerves and bones may just let me down, so minimal make is the way for it to ring the bell that
soon, makeup should fade away as I approach 60, as this will not hide my age or my skin.
In a line, dress modestly, simple yet stylishly, wear confidence on your face, let the bounce
in your walk say that you are in love with life and have a kind word for all. 50+ is the age
to smile at the memories of the past and await the future with the eagerness of a child
waiting to open the present Santa just slipped down the chimney on a cold wintry night.”

Retired But not Tired

My mother-in-law is a feisty 82. She worked hard to raise her four sons. Once she retired from the teaching profession she assisted one son in his bean bag business. Then at 75 she did a course in professional baking and that was followed by an art class. For all practical purposes she is a senior citizen but to her age is just a number. A keen yoga enthusiast, she bakes a mean fruit cake and is quite adept at splashing colour on a canvas besides playing chef and homemaker. She is just one among the countless retired senior citizens who now in their sunset years develop new interests and strive to live life to the fullest.

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream,"said C. S. Lewis writer of the universally acclaimed Narnia Chronicles.

Our seniors have fulfilled roles and obligations, discharged their duties and responsibilities and now feel the need of simply putting their feet up and focusing on themselves. Yet there are those who, between babysitting their grandchildren, doctor's appointments and taking care of their own homes find the time to pursue their hobbies. Health impediments will restrict activities but they march on.

Living alone has its pros and cons. Seniors live alone by choice or circumstance. When children are scattered across the country or globe, their parents will have no choice but to live all alone and if health does not permit then they will generally be placed in a 'home for the aged' or a health care facility. Some children, however, choose to take care of ailing parents or even senior uncles and aunts.

Living alone will not negatively impact their lives, if our elders choose to be socially active and gainfully occupied. A good network of friends is the best panacea to any sort of isolation or loneliness. If the right friends are not available, then joining a senior citizens club or a support group would help.

Seniors may choose to live alone (as far as they can help it) so as not to infringe on the time and space of their loved ones. It works well for both sides. Both sides visit one another; spend time with each other and nobody feels too cramped.

A certain senior is in the process of changing residence. Health does not permit her to ascend and descend three flights of stairs any longer(the building has no elevator) and so she will move to a new home which is on a lower floor, in a building with an elevator and just quarter of an hour away from her son's home.

"When I was young I used to hope that I wake up looking beautiful, these days I just hope I wake up." says a Facebook post.

As twilight sets in, and the can'ts slowly edge out the cans, it is for us, the younger generation to urge our dear golden - oldies on, to encourage, to make them feel loved and wanted and to lift their sometimes drooping spirits.

Aging is inevitable but as Charles Schultz of Peanuts fame once humorously said, "Just remember once you are over the hill, you pick up speed."

The twilight generation certainly do not want to termed as Technophobic, says a very recent newspaper report. Be it Face book, playing games or WhatsApping, they want to be in the groove. Technology allows them to be constantly connected to their loved ones. Companies are even designing senior friendly smart phones with large key board and fonts and health apps that enable them to track sugar and blood pressure. Quite a few are computer savvy too.

Their values, principles and oodles of wisdom have seen us through many a difficult situation. In days of yore instead of flying off to exotic locales, children looked forward to that annual vacation with the grandparents.

When in their prime our golden-oldies have sacrificed aplenty to allow the next generation to live more comfortably. We must respect them and treat them with care and concern just as we would treat our children. Old age, they say is a second childhood.

Mama's Valentines.

Mama's little hearts began to beat within two years of each other. Two little boys, as different as chalk from cheese, ironically share the same date of birth. Needless to say they turned Mama's world upside down.

She changed not just dress sizes, but her entire way of dressing. The little black dress made way for the more comfortable, salwar kameezes. Easier to run behind children! She promised herself she would get back into shape one day. Mama stayed awake devouring not her favourite author, but changing nappies and rocking babies to sleep. Telephone conversations were punctuated with a "Hold on" while she attended to a piercing scream or ended abruptly, with "I will call you back" or "Talk to you later". She watched with bated breath and relief as the loves of her life said their first words and took their first shaky steps. Running noses, spotty skin, trips to the doctor, she learned to take it all in her stride, to take one day at a time.

She played peacemaker during their, hair-pulling and screaming matches. They emptied drawers and gave the walls a whole new look, fed their bodies, clothes and furniture at meal times, yet when they smiled, she was putty in their hands, her cares and woes forgotten. She played with them, cuddled and hugged them, tried to remember that a child needs hugs more than he needs things, she read to them, their favourite fairy tales, over and over again till they were telling her what came next. But there were also times when she was screaming louder than the two of them put together. (Not a good habit, she learned later.) Some days they drove her bonkers, and on other days, her heart simply swelled with pride. When they got interested in watching television, she cautioned them that too much of T.V. would ruin them. There were of course fireworks. 

Time flew and soon she could hear the school bell ringing in her ears. How would they cope? Would they mix? There were a few hiccups initially, but gradually they settled down. Hiccups will always be there.

Now at 26 and 24 she still worries about them as they carve niches for themselves in the big bad world. A mother will always worry but que sera sera...

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