A Loss Not Lamented

A popular newspaper supplement carried an international study report on “A woman’s 20 most common criticisms about herself”. I was hardly surprised to see “I am too fat/overweight topping the list. It was something that is of great concern to me, and I often worried about the  excess flab that I carry around.

At 51 your weight determines the state of your mind and body. Needless to say that I was fat, and have been so for many years.  Motherhood was a turning point in my life. They say a child gives birth to a mother and in my case a ‘fat mother’.

Post my first delivery I was huge; I jumped a couple of dress sizes. I wasn’t too perturbed and hoped to get back in shape by Christmas. (I had delivered in September) Aha! No such Christmas present for me. I was heartbroken. I was never going to get back into my old clothes. Nevertheless I decided to work on the flab. I tried a variety of diets, but was always cautioned by the elders to go easy on the diets. New mums must feed themselves and their precious bundles of joy well.

Two years later, I am a mum the second time around.  Not quite rid of the first post-pregnancy weight gain, I now had to contend with a few more kilos staring me in the face.  The prospect of losing weight seemed as remote to  me as landing on Mars. It was back to diet and exercise and extensive research on how to be rid of post- pregnancy flab. All those new mums in fashion catalogues looking so trim and toned. Here was a mummy, but hardly yummy!

The intervening years have seen me vacillating between despair and delight over my fluctuating weight. The sun shone brightly, the birds sang merrily and all was well with the world on the day the needle pointed to what I wanted to see. On other days I plunged into the depths of despair, worrying and obsessing. I was also committing the cardinal sin of diet and weight loss – eating kiddy leftovers. And what did you say, added up to a waist basket?

The child-bearing years had by now long gone. The sons had grown, but as somebody said, the body and fat had become good friends. I plodded on. Between envying the mums with a – figure – to – die – for, I exercised, tried to eat healthily, gave myself pep talks and tried very hard to ignore sweets.

Then one fine day, I decided to seek professional help – a combination of diet and pills. It worked like magic and although I was warned of the pitfalls of pills, I jumped right in. a whole new me was evolving – curves in the right places, a new pair of jeans, a brand new dress with brand new measurements to wear at Christmas and I was on cloud nine. Oh! Could it get any better? I even attended a school reunion flaunting those curves, looking down with disdain at my more than pleasantly plump classmates and feeling mighty pleased with myself.

It is Christmas and I wanted to reward myself. I had worked hard. What possible harm could some items of very delectable confectionery do? I couldn’t be more wrong!

All my disdain for my overweight classmates flew right out of the window as I scoured the internet, books and magazines for tips and tricks on how to recover those lost measurements. If one tip was telling me to eat something, the other said to ban the item from your life. What misery! Anyway, I did manage to whittle my waistline a little. The weighing scales on rare occasions tilted in my favour, but more often than not loved to tell me the ugly truth.

Then two years ago, an accident left me housebound for a couple of months. Two months later, when I went out, I could hardly step into my favourite pair of jeans. Friends were blunt – “what the hell has happened to you?”All chubby cheeks and triple chins!

It was back to diet and exercise. I read and reread all those success stories more determined after each reading, but of course Rome was not built in a day. I rose each day determined to live healthy, think healthy and eat healthily. Promises are meant to be broken, and made again and the circle of life continues.

Shilpa Shetty’s The Great Indian Diet sits on my bookshelf. I have registered with an online weight loss programme, wherein I communicate with my coach on Whatsapp, and am sent reminders about my water intake etc. I feel better,clothes fit better.  Determination and moderation is the key. Progress is slow. However, slow and steady wins the race and this is one race that I am determined to win.