Parenting: Learning by Degrees
My
parents were an ordinary, hardworking, God - fearing couple who taught us
well. They inculcated in my brother and me values and morals that I hold in
good stead and strive to do the same
with my offspring. Dad was a big, burly
good natured man with a penchant for song and the stricter of the two. Mum
taught in the local convent school finding a balance between work and home.
Disagreements notwithstanding, they created a haven of love, laughter, happy days and good times.
You
know naught about parenting when you receive the gift of parenthood and
parenting is a humongous responsibility. No book will teach you how to be a
parent. Amid trials, errors and a lot of well meaning advice from folk around,
you strive to raise your child to be a
well balanced individual. Parenting is a rollercoaster ride. There are happy and
sad moments. You experience days of intense joy and pride and days when you
just want to slink away into some dark corner.
The
toddlers grow up all too soon – words, actions, moments and milestones get
tucked away into a treasure trove of memories to be relived time and again. Adolescence is a difficult time for both
parent and child. The adolescent is one
day an adult looking to carve a niche for him and despite the pangs, you will
have to let go… As a parent you are constantly faced with new challenges. Don’t
let the challenges break you, let them make you.
A worrisome trend among children today, are ‘soft
addictions’, brought to light by author and life coach Judith Wright.
Children
are increasingly becoming slaves to habits that rob them of meaningful activities
and pursuits. Soft addictions include excessive screen time, an unhealthy
indulgence in junk food and shopping,etc.
Parents must monitor the
activities of their children, and inculcate in them responsible behavior.
Parents need to project a positive image and emit positive vibes for children
to emulate.
To quote
Ms. Wright, “Parents can have perspective and need to
take responsibility for helping their children manage these soft addictions.
Too often, they model behaviors that encourage kids to fall into soft addiction
routines instead. For instance, many parents come home from work and spend the
majority of post-dinner hours slumped in front of the television. Other parents
model gossiping behaviors, spending hours each week e-mailing and phoning friends.”
“I’m not suggesting that parents or their children go “cold
turkey” and quit all soft addictions. As human beings, most of us have some
soft addictions. We can still live a full, meaningful existence if these
activities are part of our lives. But they need to be a minor rather than a
major part”. Rediscovering
the fine art of conversation, visiting friends, going for walks in the woods,
expressing their feelings to people they care about, listening to inspirational
music—all this can add meaning.”
“Just as important, it can provide a healthy behavioral model for
their children. Consciously or not, kids are great imitators, and softly-addicted
parents tend to produce softly-addicted kids. It’s very difficult for parents
to tell kids to stop watching so much television when they’re guilty of the
same type of mindless, habitual behaviors. Parents will find, however, that if
they learn to spend their time more meaningfully, not only will their lives be
more satisfying but they’ll help create more satisfying lives for their
children.”
In a nut shell when you are a parent:
·
You love unconditionally
·
You experience some life
changing experiences
·
You are your child’s
first teacher
·
You learn that you are not infallible
·
You will experience
disappointments and heartbreaks yet you must remain strong
·
You give your children
roots and then wings.
