Parenting: Learning by Degrees

 Parenting: Learning by Degrees

 

My parents were an ordinary, hardworking, God - fearing couple who taught us well. They inculcated in my brother and me values and morals that I hold in good stead  and strive to do the same with my offspring.  Dad was a big, burly good natured man with a penchant for song and the stricter of the two. Mum taught in the local convent school finding a balance between work and home. Disagreements notwithstanding, they created a haven of love, laughter, happy days and good times. 

You know naught about parenting when you receive the gift of parenthood and parenting is a humongous responsibility. No book will teach you how to be a parent. Amid trials, errors and a lot of well meaning advice from folk around, you strive to raise your child to be a well balanced individual. Parenting is a rollercoaster ride. There are happy and sad moments. You experience days of intense joy and pride and days when you just want to slink away into some dark corner.

The toddlers grow up all too soon – words, actions, moments and milestones get tucked away into a treasure trove of memories to be relived time and again. Adolescence is a difficult time for both parent and child.  The adolescent is one day an adult looking to carve a niche for him and despite the pangs, you will have to let go… As a parent you are constantly faced with new challenges. Don’t let the challenges break you, let them make you.

 A worrisome trend among children today, are ‘soft addictions’, brought to light by author and life coach Judith Wright.

Children are increasingly becoming slaves to habits that rob them of meaningful activities and pursuits. Soft addictions include excessive screen time, an unhealthy indulgence in junk food and shopping,etc.   Parents must monitor the activities of their children, and inculcate in them responsible behavior. Parents need to project a positive image and emit positive vibes for children to emulate.

To quote Ms. Wright, “Parents can have perspective and need to take responsibility for helping their children manage these soft addictions. Too often, they model behaviors that encourage kids to fall into soft addiction routines instead. For instance, many parents come home from work and spend the majority of post-dinner hours slumped in front of the television. Other parents model gossiping behaviors, spending hours each week e-mailing and phoning friends.”

“I’m not suggesting that parents or their children go “cold turkey” and quit all soft addictions. As human beings, most of us have some soft addictions. We can still live a full, meaningful existence if these activities are part of our lives. But they need to be a minor rather than a major part”. Rediscovering the fine art of conversation, visiting friends, going for walks in the woods, expressing their feelings to people they care about, listening to inspirational music—all this can add meaning.”

“Just as important, it can provide a healthy behavioral model for their children. Consciously or not, kids are great imitators, and softly-addicted parents tend to produce softly-addicted kids. It’s very difficult for parents to tell kids to stop watching so much television when they’re guilty of the same type of mindless, habitual behaviors. Parents will find, however, that if they learn to spend their time more meaningfully, not only will their lives be more satisfying but they’ll help create more satisfying lives for their children.”

In a nut shell when you are a parent:

·       You love unconditionally

·       You experience some life changing experiences

·       You are your child’s first teacher

·       You learn that you  are not infallible

·       You will experience disappointments and heartbreaks yet you must remain strong

·       You give your children roots and then wings.

 

What’s on My breakfast plate?

 

“Breakfast is everything, the beginning, the first thing, the mouthful that is the commitment to a new day.”

A.A. Gill.

 

Breakfast is the first meal of the day. When you eat breakfast, you break a fast. Your last meal was the previous night. Some prefer a light breakfast while others prefer going by the age-old adage “breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper”.

What would you find on my breakfast plate? 

I must have breakfast or my day is just not done.

 

·       Idli or dosa – Idli is quite a favourite of mine. Scrumptious idlis dunked in a hot steaming bowl of sambhar, or liberally smeared with podi and ghee is what appeals to my palate. A wet chutney goes equally well.Some days see me devouring crispy dosas with some lip –smacking chutney.

 

·       Overnight oats – That’s my sweet start to the day. Steel cut oats, soaked overnight and then blended with a banana together with a pinch of cinnamon powder and  jaggery. Throw in a handful of nuts and a fistful of chia seeds into the blended mix and voila… you’re done.

 

·       Poha – Blame it on my sweet tooth. This popular Maharashtrian breakfast dish, made of beaten rice and a host of other condiments and spices, like onion, curry leaves, mustard seeds,chillies, peanuts and occasionally potato (depends on personal preference)  I do tweak with a topping of jaggery, a sprinkling of grated coconut and a dash of lime juice.

 

·       Ragi (Finger millet) – Ragi porridge is close to my heart. Two to four tablespoons of Finger millet flour is sautéed in a dash of ghee, then combined with double the quantity of  water and cooked to a porridge consistency. I often top it with a tablespoon or two of roasted sesame seeds. Alternately, I combine the ragi flour with sattu in the ratio of 2:1.

 

·       Bread and eggs – I savour slices of toasted bread lathered with yummy hummus or blended avocado which I season with salt, pepper and sour lime juice accompanied by a fried or boiled egg.

 

Breakfast would be incomplete without that mandatory cup of steaming, aromatic coffee. What’s on your breakfast plate? Do tell.

 

 

This  post is part of the Blogchatterbloghop weekly challenge.

Image credit : Pixabay. 

 

 

 

 

Festivals

 Festivals

 

It’s that time of the year

When festive chimes ring loud and clear

There’s magic in the air

Laughter and love are everywhere.

 

Cherished traditions adhered to

Clothes, brand new and of every hue

Decorations so pretty, lights so bright

Oh! What a wondrous sight

Folk send out wishes

For peace and prosperity.

 

Sweets and other culinary delights

To tickle your palate

You take more than just one bite

Forgetting about inches, weight and height.

 

Festivals are fun

There’s also song and dance

To cheer everyone.

 

So tap your feet

Partake of every treat

Let joy and unity 

Be your beat

Talk to the One above

Thank him for his generosity and love. 

Image credit: Pixabay

 

 

 

 

 

The Unsent Letters

 

 

It was in college as freshers that Deepa and Anjali first met.Anjali was being teased by some seniors and Deepa came to her rescue asking that Anjali be left alone.  Then they found themselves sitting next to each other in a crowded classroom. Deepa, the bolder of the two, smiled and asked, “Hi, what’s your name?”. There was no turning back. From long chats in the canteen, and even longer chats on the phone to sleepovers, shopping expeditions, and discussing movies, books and clothes Deepa and Anjali became inseparable.

The years flew by. Deepa began working for a bank in another city, while Anjali secured employment in a bank in the same city.  

“I’m getting married”, Deepa yelled into the phone, one day.  “That’s great,” Anjali yelled back. “Congratulations! When is the big day?” Deepa had confided in Anjali about her blossoming romance with Ashok.

“It’s in two months. Mark the date on your calendar.” “I will, I will,” said Anjali excitedly.

  Ashok was the son of an extremely wealthy businessman. The two  had met at the party and cupid had struck. The wedding was the typical Big Fat Indian wedding with lots of dancing and lots to eat and drink. Deepa returned to her marital home in Kolkatta, while Anjali continued living and working in Ranchi.

Then, a couple of years later Anjali got married and moved to Mumbai. Her wedding wasn’t as big, grand and fat as Deepa’s. It was an arranged match and she was happy.  Deepa attended Anjali’s wedding alone in Ranchi bringing expensive gifts. “Ashok is travelling on business and could not make it, Deepa told Anjali. In the excitement of the wedding, Anjali did not think much about Deepa’s answer. The girls continued to keep in touch through letters and phone calls. 

Anjali began to notice subtle changes in Deepa’s conversations. “We loved the Swiss Alps she told Anjali or she bragged about the brand-new Audi in their garage. Anjali listened to her inane chatter as the seeds of a toxic relationship began to take root. She grew resentful and jealous and began to detest the narcissistic Deepa.  They no longer discussed books, movies or clothes. Their conversations were reduced to a monologue by Deepa with Anjali muttering a yes or no now and again.

Anjali was taking care of an unwell mother–in–law while dealing with a husband who had recently become unemployed, frustrated and depressed. She longed for a shoulder to cry on as the stress and strain of her life began to take a toll on her but every time she spoke with Deepa, she was left feeling empty, exhausted and more resentful.

After one such fruitless conversation, Anjali decided to write a letter to Deepa. She poured her heart out, telling Deepa of her struggles with finances and family and how she missed the ‘old wisecracking Deepa’ to whom she had confided her deepest darkest secrets.  She placed the letter on her dressing table to post it but the next day came and went and the next and the next…the sealed letter lay on the dressing table until Anjali shoved it into a drawer.” Would Deepa even open the envelope”, she wondered.

Little did she know that Deepa was struggling with her demons. Underneath that façade of an opulent life, lived a lonely girl whose husband travelled extensively on business and who had to find ways and means to entertain herself. Deepa lacked nothing in material wealth but was starved for affection and company.

“I wish Anjali were here”, said Deepa to herself wistfully as she sat on a sofa staring into space. Anjali had begun curtailing her calls and messages to Deepa, keeping communication to the bare minimum. Deepa slowly realized that she hadn’t been very empathetic towards Anjali’s plight. “I’ve been such a fool,” she thought to herself. “I’m surrounded by the best life has to offer but my heart aches for love and friendship. My so-called friends like me only for my wealth.”

The emotionally charged Deepa wrote a heartfelt letter to Anjali, asking for her forgiveness but could not bring herself to post the letter. “Will Anjali respond?” will she understand my struggles? Deepa shoved the letter into her cupboard.

The polite telephone calls and messages continued. Anjali was now more at peace because her husband had found employment and she was the mother of a bonny baby girl.

Deepa’s seemingly perfect life was turning into a nightmare. Her husband’s business began to suffer losses. They struggled to keep up appearances. Ashok and his father sold the business and looked at more profitable avenues. Eventually, the finances began to stabilize. To Deepa who had got accustomed to the wealth and splendour, this was a nightmare coming true. She had not envisioned going back to work. On one hand, she missed the luxurious life and on the other,

she longed for a true friend.  Inspired by Anjali, Deepa too began to work but more than work it was a friend that she needed, it was Anjali, she needed. She picked up the letter and reread it. Sadly, she wondered, “Will Anjali forgive me for my haughtiness and condescending attitude?” “ I am now in her shoes”.

Anjali often thought of Deepa, and wished that they could get back together. On a whim she dialled Deepa and after some initial awarkedness blurted out that she had missed her terribly. “I too have missed you, Anjali,” said Deepa in a choked voice. Then the floodgates opened and the two friends laid bare their struggles, insecurities and their judgements of each other. Between tears and laughter they told each other about their unsent letters and decided to tear them up.

Anjali and Deepa had rekindled the flame of their friendship. They did not go back to being the inseparable duo of their adolescence, but it was the start of a more endearing and supportive relationship.

 

Image credit : Pixabay

 

 

  

 

The RK Laxman Museum and Art Gallery.

I was so happy to have had the opportunity to visit this wonderful museum in Pune, in February this year which is a must-see for all RK Laxman fans.  

The single artist, one-of-a-kind RK Laxman Museum and Art Gallery in Balewadi Pune is dedicated to the works and life of the renowned cartoonist RK Laxman. Prime Minister Narendra Modi inaugurated the Museum, which is a collaboration between the Government of Maharashtra and the Pune Municipal Corporation in March 2022.

The museum features an 8-foot bronze statue of the common man, atop the museum roof welcoming visitors.   Inside visitors are taken on a well-curated tour of several galleries showcasing Laxman’s career from illustrating books written by his brother, Rk Narayan to his caricatures of famous personalities, sketches of Lord Ganesha, cartoons of children and his favourite bird the crow. Additionally, some of Laxman’s work that couldn’t be accommodated indoors is exhibited on the walls outside the gallery in the museum’s compound.

An audio-visual room provides a commentary on the life of Rk Laxman, narrated by the ‘common man’ character.  The ‘common man’ was a cartoon character created by Laxman. Clad in a dhoti and plaid jacket the common man was a silent and puzzled spectator, registering the political events occurring in the country. The ‘common man’ represented the hopes aspirations, troubles and fears of the average Indian. The same was carried in a daily comic strip in the Times of India from 1951 and lasted for over five decades.  

The second audiovisual room features snippets of stories from Malgudi Days, written by his brother, RK. Narayan brought to life. The show concludes with the spotlight on a wax statue of RK Laxman sitting at his workstation.

Laxman’s last cartoon was created on December 20^th, 2014. Laxman passed away on January 26^th 2015 at the age of 93. His granddaughter Remanika carries forward his legacy by making the character of the common woman. 


This post is part of the #BlogchatterHalfMarathon2024 challenge. 

Image credit - from my personal collection
                                                                                                       

 

 

 

 

Habits to Start Your Day With.

 Habits to start your day with

 

How you begin your day sets the tone for the rest of the day. Incorporating a few good and effective habits helps you have a more positive and productive day. Here are a few habits that help you with the same. One size doesn’t fit all, so find what works for you and incorporate them into your lifestyle.

 

·       Connect with nature - Open the blinds and look outside on waking up. Connect with the peaceful morning hours, letting in the fresh air and natural light, weather permitting. Resist the urge to grab your phone.

·       Prayer – Whisper a prayer of gratitude. Be thankful for the big and small blessings in your life. Repeat positive affirmations to motivate and boost your confidence for the day.

·       Make your bed – Making your bed sets your tone for the day. It is the first task of the day that you have accomplished which in turn will help you with other tasks. A well-made bed gives your room a neat, clean and relaxed look.

·       Hydrate – Drinking water the first thing in the morning, refreshes you. Reach for water before you can reach for your cup of tea or coffee.  Water also flushes out accumulated toxins and aids digestion.

·       Exercise – Getting on the treadmill, early in the morning might not suit everyone. You need to do just 5 minutes of stretches and bends to get yourself moving. Something is better than nothing.

·       Meditate - - Practice meditation or mindfulness. Meditation reduces your stress levels and calms your mind. It takes you to a place of peace.

·       Wake up at the same time every morning – Everyone is not an early bird but find a time that suits you and try waking up at that time every morning and going to sleep at a set time every night. The body gets into a rhythm that impacts your health positively. Waking up at different times will throw your day into disarray.

·       Reading – Reading is a great way to start your day. You could be inspired or informed thus boosting your creativity levels.

Setting a morning routine need not be challenging. A few do’s and don’ts in the morning will help you take on the day and make it a productive and positive day. Taking baby steps and gradually building up a routine would do you well. Experiment with different habits and find out what works for you. 

Which of these habits resonate with you or do you have another habit that works for you? 

This post is part of the #BlogchatterHalfMarathon2024

Image credit -From the personal collection of yours truly. 

Embracing Physical Imperfection: Turning flaws into strengths

 

I was born with a flawed right side – a pronounced limp in my right leg and a right hand that has very little strength to grasp and grip. So that makes me a southpaw for which I have received flak. Many are scandalized by the fact that I eat with my left hand. A cranky rickshaw driver once asked me to hand him the fare with my right hand and not my left. I take it all in my stride now. 

As a child, I was terribly conscious and embarrassed by the flaw, but that never stopped me from playing and running around.  I lack coordination of movement and hence have two left feet which means I cannot dance and just sit quietly at parties. I was also always eliminated from Sports Day March Past practice which made me feel bad. As a lector in church, I have to climb a couple of steps to reach the lectern and there again the limp is remarked upon.  I type with only my left hand and I’m doing well. Even today, I have people asking me about the limp and I patiently answer them, “No, I have not sustained it in an accident but it is a birth impairment."

 Nobody escapes being imperfect. Perfect pictures of men and women on social media could be the result of camera filters and other modern-day technology. Even if the pictures were real we do no need to feel insecure about our physical flaws. Instead accepting and embracing our flaws is a step in the right direction. We just have to change our perspective of looking at our flawed selves.

Time and the wisdom of age and self-acceptance have helped me come to terms with the flaw. I no longer feel the need to be perfect and am no longer embarrassed by the barrage of questions I am subjected to. It’s my life, and I’m living it well with my imperfect self. Perfection exists only in the dictionary of fools. To be human is to be imperfect.

 

How to Embrace Your Physical Flaws:

 

Don’t compare yourself to others

 Society is fixated on perfection.  that can make it challenging to embrace and accept your flaws. Comparing yourself to others is one of the worst things you can do to lower your self–esteem. Every one of us is different and unique. There very well could be an insecure person hiding behind that mask of perfectionism. Take stock of the things you don’t like about yourself and look at them differently. Flaws and struggles help you build character.

 

Practice Self-acceptance

 

Acknowledge your imperfections without judgment. Recognise that they are part of your unique self. Learn to accept and embrace the diversity of the human form.

 

Positivity is the key

 

Engage in positive affirmations and self-talk. Understand and know that your worth is not defined by your physical appearance, but rather by the person you are. Connect with positive people who accept you unconditionally and recognize your true worth.

 

Engage in self-care practices

 

Practice self-care to boost your confidence. Dress in a manner that makes you feel confident and secure and look good.

 

Shift Focus

Shift your focus to things that you love about yourself. Celebrate your talents, your values and your contribution to society.

 

Embracing your flaws is a journey of self-acceptance and loving yourself just the way you are. Fat or thin, lame or balding, each one has been blessed with qualities and talents that go far beyond physical appearance. Don’t care a dam about what society thinks or says. I'm grateful that my in-laws accepted me for who I am and my spouse and sons are pretty cool too. 

 

This post is part of the #BlogchatterHalfMarathon2024.

Image credit: picture from my personal album and creation on BE Funky by 'yours truly'